“Destiny” mixed media

This painting/collage expresses for me the power of Love that is freely given and in unlimited supply from the Hand of God.  It is more often than not that this benevolent offering of grace has appeared on the scene to turn a sour mood sweet, help lend a hand to another hurting soul, or lighten a load weighed down by darkness.  When I was a younger mother with small children I sometimes questioned my purpose and place in the world when I couldn’t see past my nose or my front door and felt a little lost in the alternate reality of babydom.  But even on the most frustrating days this unseen Hand full of Love would bring me back to what really matters.  This excerpt from an essay I titled “Is This My Destiny?” brings back vivid memories of those days:

“Often when I am elbow-deep in dishwater or baby bathwater, when I’ve prepared more ‘peanybutter n yelly ’andwiches’ than I care to count, when I’ve spooned infinite heaping teaspoons of Gerber bananas in the mouth of a baby whose eyes and mind are everywhere else BUT on eating, I lose sight of the meaning of life.  In some way I think ‘I could be doing great things in my life, really make a contribution to this troubled world…’ It just somehow seems that the ‘real’ world is in a time warp, that I’m watching it pass by from my vantage point, not doing much to help things along.  I am surrounded by crayons, soiled socks, baby rattles, trails of Zwieback crumbs, squeak toys, matchbox cars, and Sesame Street dramas stuck in my head.  In the midst of this corner of the world are two healthy, active boys who I miraculously keep up with most days…Needless to say, there are days when I go four to five directions simultaneously for most of the day.  It’s only when the boys are BOTH asleep for a nap that I collapse on the couch to get myself together and worry that I’m losing my mind.  I start imagining the ‘could-have-beens’ and I think about the meaning of life, trying very hard to figure out what it might be.  ‘Is this my destiny?’ I wonder.  ‘Surely the talents God gave me are going to waste…I could do so much if I only had the chance!’ my ego screams.

Suddenly, without thought, I am compelled to get up from the couch and walk down the hall.  I peek in at my sons and gently tuck their blankets around them.  I pause to gaze at these sleeping angels and I am overwhelmed with love for them…In the presence of their sweet innocence I am in awe.  I try to memorize every curve of their heads, each detail of their changing faces.

I return to the couch filled with peace, warmed by love, enlightened by the essence of life.  I no longer think of what could have been or yearn for the meaning of my existence.  In those quiet moments God reminded me of what truly matters through his sleeping angels.  I feel reassured that the talents He gave me are being used for the greatest purpose of all.  My doubts are washed away and replaced with confidence that who I yearn to be, I am already becoming.  These precious children rely on two sincere yet flawed adults to respect their humanness, to teach them the way of Love so that they may one day walk a path of Light.

I thank God for reassuring me.  My husband reassures me too.  When I am sinking in a sea of clutter and confusion, I need only remember the verse he wrote in my Mother’s Day card: ‘You may not be moving mountains, building cities, or feeling like you’ve done enough.  In our kingdom you’re the greatest, moving diapers and building minds.  We love you!’ “

It wasn’t long after this that I became pregnant with our daughter and life grew even more interesting with three children than it was with two!  Now that they are grown I can look back and gratefully know with certainty that the unseen Hand was graciously extended infinite times throughout the years with that glowing heart of Love at the center.


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